I received some news yesterday that my thyroid is now functioning normally. It doesn’t mean that I’m out of the woods yet as I’m not in remission and I still do feel very tired. My challenge now is to ensure I don’t get carried away and overdo it. I also need to make sure those around me don’t assume that I’ll be back to my normal self, however long ago that was.
You may have noticed that I haven’t been writing as much. There are a few reasons: school holidays, a long weekend away and just having a few too many commitments. I volunteered to write for an online magazine and the editor asked for a submission. I think I have been procrastinating in writing and submitting an article and it has taken me a few days to realise why. Isn’t this just what I was wanting – the opportunity to publish my writing? But somehow when the opportunity arose, I doubted myself, questioned my worth as a writer and got anxious about the criticism.
I submitted an article yesterday and await feedback eagerly. It is a leap of faith and it does take some courage to put myself out there. I have now given someone else the opportunity to criticise and reject my work. But as I’ve said in a previous post, there is power in vulnerability. In order to grow and expand my skills, I need feedback and I’m ready to take the leap. And yes, the possibility exists that it will not be published or will need to be reworked, but the mere submission is a step forward in my view.
I’ve been faithfully doing my Artist’s Way exercises and I believe the process to be a truly remarkable one. What is amazing to me is that each week what the author predicts will happen, truly unfolds. This week she predicted Carl Jung’s principle of synchronicity, or meaningful co-incidences,to emerge. In reading about the possibility that my wishes are being granted, it would be irresponsible not to respond. So it has indeed been perfect timing to have the opportunity to submit this article.
Something that has become evident to me is that things don’t feel right for me if I’m not writing. I have had this realisation in the past week or so where I have not written enough. Writing is a cathartic outlet for me and an opportunity to express myself in ways that I usually would not. It is so clear to me now that I need to write daily and my future career must include writing.
Many people around me have been commenting on how much better I am lately. I appear to be improving by the week. Last week I felt despondent and frustrated in thinking about a recovery period of months to come. With the news of my improved health and with those around me noticing an improvement, I feel encouraged and motivated to continue on my path. I have come to realise that my Self-Care Roster is a central part of my recovery. I was advised against it by some well-meaning people but I have found that it meets my need to make progress.
My improvement currently coincides with the onset of winter in the Southern Hemisphere. For those blessed with a sunny climate, it can be quite depressing to see the days become shorter and the temperature dropping. We, by no means, have a harsh winter but there is a marked change. I worked in South East Asia in my past and found it remarkable how the temperature didn’t change much. As great as the warm weather all year around was, I quite missed the opportunity to wear my boots, scarves and winter coats. When the temperature is fairly constant, you don’t get to experience the optimism of spring. This was why I chose to get married in September, with the excitement of fresh start and new beginnings.
Perhaps my illness is entering its winter and by spring I’ll be fully renewed.