The Frustration of Waiting and Waiting

I’m waiting for my book to arrive from the printer so that I can check for any mistakes or issues before we print. It is an excruciating wait. I so enjoyed the writing part, but there is an enormous amount of frustration in the remaining processes of writing a book. There is a lot of waiting.

Waiting

Waiting for the editor, back and forth many times, waiting for layout, waiting for proof reading, waiting for the printer. As a major source of income I am so anxious to get this book out into the world. With all this waiting, it feels as if my life is on hold.

I know it’s not optimal to spend time thinking about the future instead of enjoying the present. I know this intellectually but I really want this book to be finished. I am a big fan of efficiency so for me, unnecessary waiting is really painful. I want to hold my book in my hands, and feel the reality of my new life in the 212 pages. I want to show people and to be able to sell it. I want to feel legitimate about calling myself a writer. I want to move forward.

This is an important milestone for me. It’s a symbol of the fact that I am no longer who I was before I got sick. This is the ‘after’. This is Kathy post-burnout. It is something real that makes the suffering worth it. And I can’t wait anymore. I just want it to happen so that I can move into my new life and career with enthusiasm and joy.

I don’t want to be the burnt-out business owner anymore. I don’t want to be the sick person who is too tired to do anything. I want to be the energetic writer who rose from the ashes of burnout. The phoenix who overcame. I want to live this new life I’ve created for myself instead of waiting for it to happen.

For me, the completed book, available for people to purchase is the proof that you can live the life you want. You can change your life for the better, even late in life. You can find and connect with a passion that has lain dormant in you your entire life. You can shake off all the expectations and obligations that other people place on your shoulders. You can break free of people and situations that break you down and hold you back. You can soar like the eagle you are. It is possible for all of us and I want to demonstrate that to the world.

Waiting

But instead I wait. I wait again and again for the symbol of this new life to be finished and ready. Perhaps I’m being ridiculous and should just be content focusing on what I’m doing now. I’m working on marketing and branding for me and my book. I’m working on the cards that are an accompaniment for the book and also a product in their own right. I’m knocking off everything possible on my personal to do list in the meantime. But it’s boring.

I’m going on holiday in a few weeks time and it looks like my book will not be ready by the time I go. So perhaps the 300 copies will arrive at my house while I’m away and I’ll have to wait a few more weeks for that moment of holding my completed book in my hands for the first time. What lessons am I learning from all this waiting? I’m really irritated and frustrated at a time when I thought I’d be thrilled that the work is done and the book is on its way.

Of course I’m also terrified that the rough copy arrives with mistakes and it takes me back a few stages to correct them. That will add a few weeks to the process and I’ll be devastated. I’m really hoping with everything I have that the book is perfect and that I can just give the go-ahead to print.

Perhaps this frustration is a sign that I’m ready for my new life and career. Maybe this shows just how far I’ve come in terms of energy. I’m no longer content with afternoon naps and hanging around waiting to get better. To be honest, I was never content with that, but this has reached a new level of frustration.

I’ve read that the level of happiness we experience for something we have anticipated for a long time tends to be high. Hopefully, the happiness I feel holding my book for the first time will make all this waiting worthwhile.

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Kathy

I am a champion for living your passion. Writing is my passion, my destiny and my calling. I am a mother of two beautiful daughters and a wife and live in Johannesburg, South Africa.

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