I’ve struggled in the past few weeks to understand a few things. I’ve had some new challenges with my health which are confusing. I am frustrated that I’ve spent the last three years trying to stabilize my thyroid function and now I have new challenges to deal with. I suppose nothing is static, and most definitely not our hormones or bodies.
Three years ago my health collapsed and it took me some time to put the label of burnout on top of my diagnosis. I developed an autoimmune disease of the thyroid and my adrenal function was pitiful. For years I’ve worked so hard to stop my immune system attacking my thyroid. I’ve changed my diet, I’ve taken up meditation and mindfulness, I’ve changed my work, I’ve rested ad nauseam and I was hoping for some reward at the end of this hard work.
I suppose I should know better. Neither God nor my body are going to reward me for eating well. It’s just the way life is for me now. I have forever altered the way my body works and I have to let go of trying to fix it to be how it was before. I suppose many people are grappling with the same issues but they just do it with more grace.
I became frustrated with all this restriction of diet and lifestyle and I wondered if I’m being foolish. I rebelled by eating a slab of chocolate (I usually avoid sugar and dairy as much as possible). I began to doubt whether the career path I’m on is actually the right one. I felt that maybe I’m being given some sort of message that I’m doing something wrong.
I asked for advice from very helpful people and the message I received was that I’m doing all the right things but the self-doubt is not helpful. To be honest, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I can’t make enough money off being a writer. I’m afraid I’ll choke when given a big opportunity to speak. I’m afraid this path won’t work and I’ll need to recant everything I’ve been preaching for years. In short, I’m afraid of failing.
Working for myself offers so many benefits. I love the freedom and the chance to decide what to tackle next. I love having flexible hours and working in alignment with my strengths. I love writing and speaking and I love engaging with people who have also had challenges with their health and stress. I’ve received so much positive feedback and yet I tend to ignore it in times of doubt.
Recently, I received fantastic feedback on my book from a reader. My friends, who have read the book, sometimes send me evidence that they are following my tips in building a happy life. For me, that’s the best and most rewarding part of what I do. I just love making a difference in someone’s life and knowing that I might have helped someone to avoid suffering.
Since gaining this advice from trusted friends and healers, I’m looking more for evidence of success than failure. I’m focusing on all the good things that people say and trying very hard not to discount them. I’m glowing in the positive feedback and accepting their compliments with grace. I’m so grateful to the people who have praised my book and for those who act as ambassadors for my message.
I am truly blessed to do the work that I do. Of course I will have many moments of doubt in the future but I’m not going to let it stop me. I have work to do and I’m not letting fear take the driver’s seat.
If you can’t learn to travel comfortably alongside your fear, then you’ll never be able to go anywhere interesting or do anything interesting. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Big MagicFollow me: