This week my husband and daughters are away at the coast. My husband ran a marathon this weekend so the dates were fixed, and I was worried about experiencing a set-back before a talk I’m doing this month. I chose to stay behind at home for the week to work on my speech.
The first night I felt panic and loneliness like I’ve never felt before. I walked into my daughters’ rooms and felt my heart tighten. I missed them terribly. And when I called to say goodnight, my youngest cried the whole time and kept saying ‘I want to be with you, Mommy.’ My heart broke and I wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake by staying home.
But I am getting lots of undisturbed sleep, which is hard to come by in our home. I am sleeping for nine hours every night, eating healthy food and enjoying the quiet. I am making sure that I’m being really diligent about doing the work that I stayed behind to do. And I worked through the weekend to make sure I don’t waste the quiet time I have.
As an introvert, living with two extroverts, I find the silence to be glorious. I have made sure not to play any music and to really limit the TV I watch. I’m just enjoying hearing the birds, and the complete quiet of our suburban home. I’m sure this alone time would cause many people a great deal of panic and discomfort. But in comparison with the usual chaos of our home, I’m really enjoying the peace.
I keep getting the message from things I encounter and cards I draw, that peace comes from within. So is the Universe telling me I should have gone along on the trip? I’m struggling to reconcile this with the fact that introverts don’t cope well in noisy environments. I’ve been wondering what it’s like for introverts who live in really crowded, noisy cities. Perhaps this is when people start meditating in order to find that peace inside.
But I’m not too sure how to get there when surrounded by noise and chaos. It already feels tough to allocate twenty minutes a day to meditation. Maybe those who find peace within didn’t have children. That was a joke, of course. But seriously, in a busy house with kids playing, squealing and fighting, I just can’t imagine myself with a supercilious grin, sitting in the lotus position. I see myself shouting at them to shut up or retreating to my sanctuary where I can insert ear plugs.
I do think, however, that life is a lot better when we spend time doing what we love. I somehow feel that I have needed meditation less in the past few days. And that’s because I’m doing work I love and I’m able to care for myself properly. Perhaps we can be more at peace by being in flow as often as possible, in pursuing our passions and in prioritising self-care.Follow me: